


it takes a dedicated hand to put it through the wall

by bluejaytales



Category: Smallville, Superman (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, it's just a vent fic tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22097548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejaytales/pseuds/bluejaytales
Summary: but you've gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me, baby.superman comes to help lex exorcise ghosts.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lex Luthor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	it takes a dedicated hand to put it through the wall

**Author's Note:**

> cw: past abuse  
> When commenting, keep in mind this fic involves moments from the author's real life.

Lex stood on the sidewalk, a sledgehammer in each hand, a brown duffel bag on his shoulder. Flannel and work gloves made him look more Kent than either wretched breed of Luthor.

Only a step above Boo Radley, the house loomed in the grey sky, a darker grey that was once brilliant white. Not torn down, certainly not memorialized. Just left to rot like so much of Lex’s past. The Luthor home had always been a place of suffering and he’d simply abandoned it at the time. As an adult, he’d decided he could just ignore it and push it away. Ignore it until it stops being a problem, of course. Let the house decay, just like he’d let all of his former connections to Smallville decay.

There wasn’t much on the outside, Lionel kept the worst of it in the house, the evil and ghosts all quarantined. The only mark left on the outside was a broken section of banister. Lex had clung to it like floatsm in a shipwreck when Lionel had tried to drag Lex inside, back behind closed doors. Even with a shaved head, he could still feel the powerlessness of being dragged by his hair, clawing at Lionel’s wrist as _no one came to help._

Inside there were five-- maybe six-- holes in the drywall. Three were caused by fists, one by Lex's head. There were eyes watching him from those tiny violent dark spaces. Sometimes he’d wanted to crawl into the hole and hide in that sliver between walls. The eyes staring at him had to be better than here.

Hell, he thought that even now. Itching to slink back to the car and leave this place to rot again.

But he couldn't back out, not after dragging Superman into this.

He and Clark weren’t friends anymore, hadn’t been for a while. Then they’d become enemies and, oh _that_ revelation was a whole other set of angry tantrums. In the aftermath of the initial blowup, they were-- something. Something not quite friends. Lex still craved as much power as he could by any means. Superman still foiled every nefarious scheme. 

But a nightmare had sent him on this quest and Clark had answered the call.

* * *

“I told Ma that I’m in town and that we’re doing something that’s not fighting. She’s making a surprise that’s _definitely_ not pecan pie.”

Clark floated down from the sky in workboots, jeans and flannel. Not quite Superman, not quite Metropolis reporter. He looked like the farm hick Lex had been best friends with once. The comparison was comforting, a fleeting thought that Pa might be here if he could.

“Thank you.” The sound was strained as Lex did his best not to cry as he laughed. The noise was depressingly nostalgic.

“Of course I’d be here. Lex, I’m not about to let you do this your own.”

“We’re mortal enemies. I think. I'd hardly expect you to be at my beck and call.” Lex shrugged, taking the sledgehammer and hefting it on his shoulder. He turned back to the house, the smile slowly fading into an eerie blank expression. He walked slowly and automatically. 

“Remember when you taught me how to tackle when we were playing football at Marsh’s Creek? I used it on him, came back with a black eye. So Pa taught me how to block a punch and how to fight like a good ol' boy. You all did try, in a very human way. I never let you come here though. I was afraid he might hurt you, or use you. I made up stories about what we were doing just so he couldn’t use our friendship against me. I kept the Kents in their own little bubble of purity. It was the only way to cope, I think. To reconcile your family with my hell.”

They stepped on the porch and Clark took the moment to replay the speech. Lex loved to craft nests of thorns to hide the need for reassurance and understanding. But Clark knew Lex, knew how to untangle those briars. “And I’m part of that bubble so you’re not sure if you want me to go inside and see it?” Clark asked, and Lex nodded. 

There was a silence. Creaking from somewhere as the winter wind rattled across the plains and shook ghosts from their slumber.

Lex shivered. “I’m not going to be… okay. While I’m doing this. I don’t want you to see that. Not just the memories but, you. You being _you_ , and the fact that it still all happened the way it did.” He ran a hand over his scalp. “That’s a conversation for later. I’m sure I’m going to have at least three panic attacks during this.”

“I was there with you for all the other ones.”

Sunlight dawned on Lex’s face, a glint of white against the grey tones of his skin. “You _were_ there every time, weren’t you?”

“You called me plenty of names those times too. It won’t change anything.” Bravery took a daring leap and Clark’s hand landed softly on Lex’s right shoulder.

“Actually, I hope it does.” Lex smiled before swinging the hammer in his left hand around absently, anxiously, not moving the arm that Clark was holding. Then he shrugged it off, took a step back and held the hammer out to Clark. “Superman could level this place in seconds. But I don’t want Superman. I want the Clark Kent I knew in my childhood. We’re going to chew this place up, this place is going to chew me up, and then I want to see Superman raze it.“

* * *

Lex managed to keep himself from breaking down until the bathroom. The door had ended up on the floor at some point, Lex kneeling and splintering the door with a hammer while screaming about broken locks. Clark had just held him close, rocking him through the shared tears.

"I'm sorry." Lex wiped his eyes, standing up quickly and brushing himself off.

"For what?"

Lex took a breath and shrugged. That same 'you caught me' shrug from their youth. "I'm a mess and you should be out helping people and you're--"

"I'm helping you. I came here because I want to help you. And, if you're not doing this you're angry and building death rays." As soon as the joke left his mouth, Clark winced and Lex almost did too. Were they there yet? What the hell, Lex was already a wreck as it was. He laughed.

He laughed and laughed and somehow it turned into more sobbing. But it wasn't mourning anymore. It felt like release, finally. Clark ran a hand over his scalp, hands careful and soft. Lex closed his eyes, trying to breathe in tune with Clark's. "Why didn't you do anything?"

Clark froze, then murmured against Lex's scalp. "We were fifteen. I told Ma and Pa, we had you stay over as often as we could. Sheriff Terry came by once--"

"But you're Superman. I've seen you save kids. I've seen you threaten parents." The anger was back, making Clark's heart sink again. Strand by strand, he was trying to unwind this nebulous hatred that Lex had for Superman.

"I wasn't then. I was a kid. I'd just found out I was an _alien from outer space_. I know it wasn't enough. I wish we had been enough. I'd stay up at night, listening for you, ready to jump out the window if it got too bad. But then it would get bad and I'd get scared. I was a kid too. It was confusing, to grow up with--"

"To grow up with nice parents and try to understand how one could be so bad. I get it, I do. I felt the inverse."

"No. To see my friend show up to football practice with a broken arm and say it was nothing because he'd been through worse. I heard doors slamming and screaming and throwing things and I... God, I wanted to do so many things to Lionel. Maybe I should have."

"Did you ever try?"

Clark swallowed a lump, holding Lex close again. "You were at our house at 4am in pajamas and houseshoes. In the middle of a Kansas winter. If our houses had been farther apart... We got you settled in, Pa called the Sheriff. I went to his bedroom, stood over his bed. I had to put my hands over my eyes to keep from burning the whole place down. I wanted to tear him apart and leave the mess for Terry to find. But I-- I didn't. I'd seen what he did to you. And I knew I was different but..."

"But you were fifteen and you saw yourself in my place." Lex nodded, stretching and uncurling. "I would think about it, sometimes. If our lives were switched and the strange invulnerable farmboy was the one reduced to cowering and trying to hold the closet door shut. It was jealousy as much as appreciation and love. I wanted something to blame. I still do, I guess. Otherwise it's my fault. For causing it, for not stopping it, for not...for surviving it."

"You didn't deserve it."

"Look at what I've done since then. Maybe Lionel was right to try to destroy me--"

"Stop!" Clark grit his teeth, feeling the wooden handle of the hammer start to splinter. "You didn't deserve it. You didn't... Cope with it well. You lashed out, and those choices are your own. Just like Lionel's choices were his own. Not anything you did. You were a child. You didn't deserve it."

Lex nodded, putting his mask back on and swinging away at the wall. Clark called for him until he stopped. "We'll get this done in a bit. But I need you to understand."

"You think I didn't deserve it. I disagree. Let's just get this over with so you can get back to being Superman."

"Damnit, Lex. You do this when you're upset. You shut everyone out. I'm not letting you." Slowly, he raised his hand to place it on Lex's face. Lex flinched, then sighed and closed his eyes.

"I don't think I was done crying." Let laughed, bitter and cracked.

"That okay. We can cry more. We can smash more walls. Then we'll have pie and moonshine. Stay at the farm like you used to."

The farm was safe. Always had been. Let nodded, fingers wrapping around Clark's hand. He turned, kissing Clark's palm softly. "Like old times. But without all the lies. Right?"

Clark's breath stopped for a few moments as Lex kissed his hand. "Yeah. No more lies. Just me and you and smoldering ashes."


End file.
